Monkey Run Mongolia
A whole new level of adventuring stupidity
Full Details: Monkey Run Mongolia
Well, here it is. An all new shiny Monkey Run with gigantic-hairy-monkey-adventure nuts. The Institute of Adventure Research has signed up a group of idiots Pioneers to come with us and test how stupid this really is in September 2021.
Now the 2022 edition is up for grabs but demand is high and the spots are limited so you’ll have to email us if you want to thunder across the Steppe on a 50cc Monkey Bike.
Mongolia is big. Really fucking big. And driving through it (as any of you ex-Mongol Ralliers know) is brain squashingly awesome. 1000’s of miles of endless horizons, mountains, dirt roads, no roads, nomads, deserts and steppe all collide in a sort adventuristic spaff. So riding through it on a motorbike designed for children is quite simply resplendent. Mongolia calls to the soul of the Monkey Bike like a fly to a shit.
Just look at all these pictures we made up by mangling Mongol Rally and Monkey Run photos together. It’s your job to make this utopian vision a reality.
Are you ready to write the next chapter of adventuring history?
1. The Route
"This one is going to be ridiculous. I love Mongolia and monkey bikes, they both start with the letter "M", so it's like the Universe has told us to do it" Mr Tom - Adventurists' Chief Idiot
Look at this lady on a Monkey Bike. She was in Morocco but with a bit of computering she looks like she could be in Mongolia. We even did some shit shadows.
From where? to where?
We've been organising adventures in Mongolia for well over a decade. In fact, we're not quite sure why we didn't start with a Monkey Run Mongolia. But here we are, bringing together all we know of this most excellent country and all we know of Monkey bikes. It's going to be a disaster.
This will be the longest, toughest and most remote Monkey Run to date. Taking you from the mountains and forests of the North we'll be battling our way South through the steppe and across the Gobi desert to the finish line in South. The locations of these are going to be a tightly kept secret for now.
A highly accurate topographical map including everything you need to know.
2. Dates
We shall congregate at a secret location in the capital Ulaanbataar to begin as we mean to go on with the toasting of Mongolian vodka. The next morning we shall whisk you off to the start line camp. And once we arrive much partying will ensue.
Some of you will be shit at riding monkey bikes so there'll be a day for you to get your hands on your steed and ride it around like a fool. We'll be around to explain all the things that will break, which end goes forwards and other helpful things.
Then it's time to set off. You will start the morning at the sharp end of miles of adventuring chaos. And after 10 days there is some chance you will have made it to the finish. Heavy pour glasses of Mongolian vodka shall be raised, and then raised again, and quite possibly again as we mark your entry to the halls of adventuring legend.
Pioneers Edition - 2021
28th August 2021: Beers in Ulaanbaatar
29th August 2021: Set forth to the start camp
30th August 2021: Test driving & launch party
31st August 2021: Launch day
9th September 2021: Finish line & party
29th August 2021: Set forth to the start camp
30th August 2021: Test driving & launch party
31st August 2021: Launch day
9th September 2021: Finish line & party
September 2022
10th September 2022: Beers in Ulaanbaatar
11th September 2022: Set forth to the start camp
12th September 2022: Test driving & launch party
13th September 2022: Launch day
23rd September 2022: Finish line & party
11th September 2022: Set forth to the start camp
12th September 2022: Test driving & launch party
13th September 2022: Launch day
23rd September 2022: Finish line & party
3. What's included?
Rather a lot as it turns out. For your paltry entry fee you'll get to take part in the mother of all monkey bike adventures. And that means...
- We'll get you from Ulaanbataar to the middle of nowhere for the launch and even bring you back from the finish line at the end. Handy.
- We'll put you up and stuff you full of food at the start and finish.
- We'll give you your very own (for a while) monkey bike to fall madly in love with as you ride across the wilderness.
- We'll stick a satellite tracker on you so we know where you are even if you (hopefully) haven't a clue.
- We'll give you a map that is almost completely useless.
- We'll give you 2 parties to spoil your internal organs.
- And some other stuff it would be boring to write here.
- Oh and you'll get to help the Institute of Adventure Research set up a whole new adventure for all mankind. So you get one of the converted blue badges of joy.
Look at this happy fellow. He's pointing at the sky. Can you see how it doesn't quite look like he's touching the ground.
4. Entry Fee
Standard Entry Fee: £1,595 per rider
Riders on the waiting list who have been personally invited and sign up before 25th September get a whacking great big £200 off the entry fee.
Why is this one more expensive than the other Monkey Runs?
We're adding satellite tracking to this bad boy due to the glorious nature of the terrain and ridiculous un-route. You won't know where you are, but we will, and this will reduce your chances of (permanently) disappearing into the mists of the steppe.
That same marvellous Mongolian steppe is remote so we'll be setting up a start and finish camp with the help of our Nomadic herder chums. This will be an incredible way to start and finish the adventure but also means we've had to nudge up the fee. Still an absolute steal for the adventure we'll be having out there.
5. Are you sure you want to pioneer this?
*The Pioneers edition is already full but this is still really rather pertinent for all the brave fools signed up.
As a pioneers adventure this is in its very purest form. That means it's never been tried. And that means we won't give you answers to questions we consider slightly irrelevant. Like "exactly how long is it?" or "is it even possible?". What we can tell you is that is will be incredibly excellent and really rather difficult.
You can probably tell from the tone of this here document that we aren't going to give you all the usual details on this one. So if that makes you feel a little uncomfortable, just hold fire for a few months and come on a non-pioneers edition. If however you like your adventures to be chaotic sign up quickly before some other git pioneers it for you.
6. I have a few questions...
What should I bring?
As little as possible is what we always say. But for this one you will need to carry everything you need to survive in 10kg of luggage. Why 10kg? Because we've noticed a worrying trend of people bringing too much guff with them on adventures. And this makes the wheels fall off the back of monkey bikes.
Inside that you'll be want to carry...
- A tent - you can get little 1 man things that weight less than 1kg.
- A sleeping bag.
- Any food you're not going to be happy finding and eating on the way.
- The clothes you want to prevent hypothermia - water proof things for example.
- Black tie for the finish line
Where will I sleep?
As many of you know Mongolia is a Nomadic culture and they often allow people to sleep in their homes as you travel through. Don't rely on this and be prepared to leave a bit of cash. We'll be giving you a crash course in Steppe etiquette at the pre race training so you don't blunder about the steppe being rude in this incredible culture.
So if you're not sleeping at the start of finish line, or in a very generous Nomads ger, you'll be curled up in your tent. There is the odd village along the way and some of these will have hotels and hostels to sleep in. But by no means regularly or every night.
What will I eat?
Mutton, noodles? What ever you bring with you, buy on route or are lucky enough to be offered along the way.
Where will I get petrol?
Wherever you can. We will supply you with a small Jerry can to strap on the back. If you run out in the middle of nowhere you will have to barter with a passing vehicle (if there are any) to see what you can buy.
This one isn't even to scale. Please help us get better images.
7. Right. I'm ready sign me up.
The Pioneers' edition in 2021 is already full with a fairly hefty waiting list but if you're interested give us a shout incase spots do come up.
Everyone already on the waiting list is being offered a 2022 spot and then if there are any places left we'll open them up to everyone else. With so few bikes up for grabs and shedloads of interest you'll need to give us a shout if you want in and then move quick if spots come up.