Monkey Run Mongolia

A whole new level of adventuring stupidity

Full Details: Monkey Run Mongolia

Well, here it is. An all new shiny Monkey Run with gigantic-hairy-monkey-adventure nuts. The Institute of Adventure Research has signed up a group of idiots Pioneers to come with us and test how stupid this really is. The first edition in September this year is sold out but there are spots up for grabs now on the June and September editions in 2023.

 

1. The Route

"This one is going to be ridiculous. I love Mongolia and monkey bikes, they both start with the letter "M", so it's like the Universe has told us to do it"
Mr Tom - Adventurists' Chief Idiot
Mongolia is big. Really fucking big. And driving through it (as any of you ex-Mongol Ralliers know) is brain squashingly awesome. 1000's of miles of endless horizons, mountains, dirt roads, no roads, nomads, deserts and steppe all collide in a sort adventuristic spaff. So riding through it on a motorbike designed for children is quite simply resplendent. Mongolia calls to the soul of the Monkey Bike like a fly to a shit. Just look at all these pictures we made up by mangling Mongol Rally and Monkey Run photos together. It's your job to make this utopian vision a reality.
Look at this lady on a Monkey Bike. She was in Morocco but with a bit of computering she looks like she could be in Mongolia. We even did some shit shadows.

From where? to where?

We've been organising adventures in Mongolia for well over a decade. In fact, we're not quite sure why we didn't start with a Monkey Run Mongolia. But here we are, bringing together all we know of this most excellent country and all we know of Monkey bikes. It's going to be a disaster.

This will be the longest, toughest and most remote Monkey Run to date. Taking you from the mountains and forests of the North we'll be battling our way South through the steppe and across the Gobi desert to the finish line in South. The locations of these are going to be a tightly kept secret for now.
A highly accurate topographical map including everything you need to know.

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2. Dates

July & September 2023 registration open now

We shall congregate at a secret location in the capital Ulaanbataar to begin as we mean to go on with the toasting of Mongolian vodka. The next morning we shall whisk you off to the start line camp. And once we arrive much partying will ensue.

Some of you will be shit at riding monkey bikes so there'll be a day for you to get your hands on your steed and ride it around like a fool. We'll be around to explain all the things that will break, which end goes forwards and other helpful things.

Then it's time to set off. You will start the morning at the sharp end of miles of adventuring chaos. And after 10 days there is some chance you will have made it to the finish. Heavy pour glasses of Mongolian vodka shall be raised, and then raised again, and quite possibly again as we mark your entry to the halls of adventuring legend.

Pioneers Edition - September 2022 - SOLD OUT

10th September 2022: Beers in Ulaanbaatar
11th September 2022: Set forth to the start camp
12th September 2022: Test driving & rider briefing
13th September 2022: Test driving & launch party
14th September 2022: Launch day
23rd September 2022: Finish line & party

July 2023

1st July 2023: Beers in Ulaanbaatar
2nd July 2023: Set forth to the start camp
3rd July 2023: Test driving & rider briefing
4th July 2023: Test driving & launch party
5th July 2023: Launch day
14th July 2023: Finish line & party

September 2023

9th September 2023: Beers in Ulaanbaatar
10th September 2023: Set forth to the start camp
11th September 2023: Test driving & rider briefing
12th September 2023: Test driving & launch party
13th September 2023: Launch day
22nd September 2023: Finish line & party

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3. What's included?

Rather a lot as it turns out. For your paltry entry fee you'll get to take part in the mother of all monkey bike adventures. And that means...

  • We'll get you from Ulaanbataar to the middle of nowhere for the launch and even bring you back from the finish line at the end. Handy.
  • We'll put you up and stuff you full of food at the start and finish.
  • We'll give you your very own (for a while) monkey bike to fall madly in love with as you ride across the wilderness.
  • We'll provide a custom tracking app for your smartphone including offline tracking functionality so we know where you are even if you (hopefully) haven't a clue.
  • We'll give you a map that is almost completely useless.
  • We'll give you 2 parties to spoil your internal organs.
  • And some other stuff it would be boring to write here.
  • Oh and you'll get to help the Institute of Adventure Research set up a whole new adventure for all mankind. So you get one of the converted blue badges of joy.
Look at this happy fellow. He's pointing at the sky. Can you see how it doesn't quite look like he's touching the ground.

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4. Entry Fee

Entry Fee: £1,595 per rider

This one is slightly more expensive due to the glorious nature of the terrain, the ridiculous un-route and all the stuff that's included.

The marvellous Mongolian steppe is remote so we'll be setting up a start and finish camp. This will be an incredible way to start and finish the adventure but also means we've had to nudge up the fee. Still an absolute steal for the adventure we'll be having out there.

Pay in monthly instalments

Choose 'monthly by card' when you sign up and you can spread the entry fee across 6 monthly payments.

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5. Are you sure you want to pioneer this?

*The Pioneers edition is already full but this is still really rather pertinent for all the brave fools signed up.

As a pioneers adventure this is in its very purest form. That means it's never been tried. And that means we won't give you answers to questions we consider slightly irrelevant. Like "exactly how long is it?" or "is it even possible?". What we can tell you is that is will be incredibly excellent and really rather difficult.

You can probably tell from the tone of this here document that we aren't going to give you all the usual details on this one. So if that makes you feel a little uncomfortable, just hold fire for a few months and come on a non-pioneers edition. If however you like your adventures to be chaotic sign up quickly before some other git pioneers it for you.

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6. I have a few questions...

What should I bring?

As little as possible is what we always say. But for this one you will need to carry everything you need to survive in 10kg of luggage. Why 10kg? Because we've noticed a worrying trend of people bringing too much guff with them on adventures. And this makes the wheels fall off the back of monkey bikes.

Inside that you'll be want to carry...
  • A tent - you can get little 1 man things that weight less than 1kg.
  • A sleeping bag.
  • Any food you're not going to be happy finding and eating on the way.
  • The clothes you want to prevent hypothermia - water proof things for example.
  • Black tie for the finish line
We'll supply you with some basic tools and some useful bits and pieces that might fall off, snap or stop working. So beyond that the remaining weight could just be filled with your favourite bags of crisps? Or how about your favourite songs on vinyl - always handy.

Where will I sleep?

As many of you know Mongolia is a Nomadic culture and they often allow people to sleep in their homes as you travel through. Don't rely on this and be prepared to leave a bit of cash. We'll be giving you a crash course in Steppe etiquette at the pre race training so you don't blunder about the steppe being rude in this incredible culture.

So if you're not sleeping at the start of finish line, or in a very generous Nomads ger, you'll be curled up in your tent. There is the odd village along the way and some of these will have hotels and hostels to sleep in. But by no means regularly or every night.

What will I eat?

Mutton, noodles? What ever you bring with you, buy on route or are lucky enough to be offered along the way.

Where will I get petrol?

Small towns and settlements (called 'Soums') will have petrol available and you'll have to tailor your route to the availability of petrol. If you run out in the middle of nowhere you will have to barter with a passing vehicle (if there are any) to see what you can buy or carry a bit of extra fuel with you.
This one isn't even to scale. Please help us get better images.

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7. Right. I'm ready sign me up.

Registration for the 2023 editions in July and September is open now. Get yourself registered here.

The Pioneers' edition in September 2022 is already full.

Questions? Send us an email: [email protected]

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8. Follow the Monkey Run

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