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Monkey Run Mongolia

A whole new level of adventuring stupidity

Oi, you there, come and pioneer the Monkey Run Mongolia

The Institute of Adventure Research needs your help.

Well, here it is. An all new shiny Monkey Run with gigantic-hairy-monkey-adventure nuts.

Mongolia is big. Really fucking big. And driving through it (as any of you ex-Mongol Ralliers know) is brain squashingly awesome. 1000’s of miles of endless horizons, mountains, dirt roads, no roads, nomads, deserts and steppe all collide in a sort adventuristic spaff. So riding through it on a motorbike designed for children is quite simply resplendent. Mongolia calls to the soul of the Monkey Bike like a fly to a shit.

Just look at all these pictures we made up by mangling Mongol Rally and Monkey Run photos together. It’s your job to make this utopian vision a reality.

The Institute of Adventure Research is calling for just 20 idiots Pioneers to come with us to test out how stupid this could possibly be.

Are you ready to write the next chapter of adventuring history?

 

 

1. The Route

"This one is going to be ridiculous. I love Mongolia and monkey bikes, they both start with the letter "M", so it's like the Universe has told us to do it"
Mr Tom - Adventurists' Chief Idiot
Monkey Run Mongolia Pioneers
Look at this lady on a Monkey Bike. She was in Morocco but with a bit of computering she looks like she could be in Mongolia. We even did some shit shadows.

From where? to where?

We've been organising adventures in Mongolia for well over a decade. In fact, we're not quite sure why we didn't start with a Monkey Run Mongolia. But here we are, bringing together all we know of this most excellent country and all we know of Monkey bikes. It's going to be a disaster.

This will be the longest, toughest and most remote Monkey Run to date. Taking you from the mountains and forests of the North we'll be battling our way South through the steppe and across the Gobi desert to the finish line in South. The locations of these are going to be a tightly kept secret for now.
A highly accurate topographical map including everything you need to know.

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2. Dates and things

  • 30th August - 12 noon

    Setting forth to the start camp

    We shall congregate at a secret location in Ulaanbataar where upon we shall whisk you off to the start line camp. And once we arrive much partying will ensue.

  • 31st August - all day

    Training and test driving

    Some of you will be shit at riding monkey bikes so this is where you get your hands on your steed and ride it around like a fool. We'll be around to explain all the things that will break, which end goes forwards and other helpful things.

  • 1st - 10th September

    The adventure ensues

    You will start by being at the sharp end of miles of adventuring chaos. And after 10 days there is some chance you will have made it to the finish.

  • 10th September

    Back slapping and party doing

    Well done. Some of you might have made it by now so we'll all get together and celebrate with high fives and merryment.

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3. What's included?

Rather a lot as it turns out. For your paltry entry fee you'll get to take part in the mother of all monkey bike adventures. And that means...

  • We'll get you from Ulaanbataar to the middle of nowhere for the launch and even bring you back from the finish line at the end. Handy.
  • We'll put you up and stuff you full of food at the start and finish.
  • We'll give you your very own (for a while) monkey bike to fall madly in love with as you ride across the wilderness.
  • We'll stick a satellite tracker on you so we know where you are even if you (hopefully) haven't a clue.
  • We'll give you a map that is almost completely useless.
  • We'll give you 2 parties to spoil your internal organs.
  • And some other stuff it would be boring to write here.
  • Oh and you'll get to help the Institute of Adventure Research set up a whole new adventure for all mankind. So you get one of the converted blue badges of joy.
Monkey Run Mongolia Pioneers
Look at this happy fellow. He's pointing at the sky. Can you see how it doesn't quite look like he's touching the ground.

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4. Are you sure you want to pioneer this?

As a pioneers adventure this is in its very purest form. That means it's never been tried. And that means we won't give you answers to questions we consider slightly irrelevant. Like "exactly how long is it?" or "is it even possible?". What we can tell you is that is will be incredibly excellent and really rather difficult.

You can probably tell from the tone of this here document that we aren't going to give you all the usual details on this one. So if that makes you feel a little uncomfortable, just hold fire for a few months and come on a non-pioneers edition. If however you like your adventures to be chaotic sign up quickly before some other git pioneers it for you.

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5. I have a few questions...

What should I bring?

As little as possible is what we always say. But for this one you will need to carry everything you need to survive in 10kg of luggage. Why 10kg? Because we've noticed a worrying trend of people bringing too much guff with them on adventures. And this makes the wheels fall off the back of monkey bikes.

Inside that you'll be want to carry...
  • A tent - you can get little 1 man things that weight less than 1kg.
  • A sleeping bag.
  • Any food you're not going to be happy finding and eating on the way.
  • The clothes you want to prevent hypothermia - water proof things for example.
  • Black tie for the finish line
We'll supply you with a bunch of tools and some spares. So beyond that the remaining weight could just be filled with your favourite bags of crisps? Or how about your favourite songs on vinyl - always handy.

Where will I sleep?

As many of you know Mongolia is a Nomadic culture and they often allow people to sleep in their homes as you travel through. Don't rely on this and be prepared to leave a bit of cash. We'll be giving you a crash course in Steppe etiquette at the pre race training so you don't blunder about the steppe being rude in this incredible culture.

So if you're not sleeping at the start of finish line, or in a very generous Nomads ger, you'll be curled up in your tent. There is the odd village along the way and some of these will have hotels and hostels to sleep in. But by no means regularly or every night.

What will I eat?

Mutton, noodles? What ever you bring with you, buy on route or are lucky enough to be offered along the way.

Where will I get petrol?

Wherever you can. We will supply you with a small Jerry can to strap on the back. If you run out in the middle of nowhere you will have to barter with a passing vehicle (if there are any) to see what you can buy.
Monkey Run Mongolia Pioneers
This one isn't even to scale. Please help us get better images.

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6. Right. I'm ready sign me up.

We only have 20 spots on this here Pioneers run and we suspect they will run out fast. So jump online and sign up quickly if you want a spot. We will be reserving more than half of them for veterans of other adventures so drop us a line if you've been on one of our other chaos generators before and we'll let you know how many veteran spots are left.

Or just hit the link on the right called "Join". easy.

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