Week 7 on the Mongol Rally

Week 7 sees our valiant and dallying explorers closer to the finish line, across the finish line or nowhere bloody near anywhere in particular.

From the comfort of the Adventurists vast and spacious hut on the river banks of Bristol we watch with glee the misfortunes and madness that befalls our hardy crews. All the while sipping Gin and commenting on the competitors foolhardy escapades with the distanced aloofness of watching someone else’s child fall, then laughing.

So for the rest of you sitting at home tittering at the misguided antics of the bold adventurers, this is the week 7 update of the teams who are still somewhere out there, doing something more interesting than you.

Force 10 on the Hipster scale, Biggles would be proud.

Tales from the finish line

As our bold and bonkers bad asses finish we get to hear their tales of strife and stupidity as they endeavor to get themselves, lost, arrested, executed or traded to cannibals for beans.

'Team to me' and, team 'To you', spent an uncomfortable time being interrogated in Turkmenistan for overstaying their visa and were relieved to finally reach Ulan Ude.

'Starsky and Dutch' were disappointed at their ability to avoid heartache and shit storms as the only thing they broke the whole journey was a flip flop. Sounds like a case of a long lazy stroll across a large portion of the world. But what can you expect from a team with a toilet strapped to their roof? Next time boys we're going to make you do it in reverse, see what that does to your U bend.

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Taking map reading to dizzying new heights of shitness, 'Team Genghis Carn' took a wrong turn resulting in them needing fresh underpants as they drove themselves clueless into Taliban controlled Afghanistan. Following a brief court appearance the next morning, for which they were released on account of obviously being utterly clueless and more trouble than they were worth. They crossed the finish line at break neck speeds leaving a skid mark of a very different kind behind them.

'Team Toothbrush' and the 'Herodotus Express' managed to get their Chinese drivers licenses, it only took them 3 days of paperwork. Try putting points on that west-end coppers.

'Team Toothbrush' and the 'Herodotus Express' managed to get their Chinese drivers licenses, it only took them 3 days of paperwork. Try putting points on that west-end coppers.

'Three barmy Danes' decided to add flavour to their adventure by dumping their unwanted passports In Altai, Mongolia, favoring to take more salty snacks with the space they would save by abandoning them. They have however been refused Mongolian passports on grounds of being mistaken as a Viking invasion force. They are asking any teams passing by to collect their documents, alternatively they will be sold into slavery, whatever.

Tove, the bold lady of team 'LegendariAaa' arrived at the finish line having taken the whole race in her stride - solo - despite having had a local of Bukara tell her. “ You’re and old lady! I’ve never seen an old lady do this before” We can only presume she beat him to death before continuing to take the course and all its hazards with a pinch of salt, this being her second attempt at the Mongol.

Tove, nonchalantly beating the odds for a second time. Absolute legend.

Tove, nonchalantly beating the odds for a second time. Absolute legend.

"I'm in love with the bad roads!" "I had to come back with a more challenging route and a crappier car! It was too easy last time."

Ralliers are crossing the finish line and looking at what to do next with their vehicles. One of the most balls out suggestions about what to do with Rally cars after reaching the finish line, has been given as taking part in the Estonian banger racing circuit, until dead or scrapped. Some teams have opted the make the route a two way affair and having by some minor miracle reached the finish line in Ulan Ude, have turned straight back around and are headed home. These jaunty buggers look adventure in the face, laugh, twirl their imaginary moustaches and say unto the road, “do your damndest sah!” They then usually get shafted. Oh the irony.

George Webb from Hijet Heroes welding up our exhaust with 2 car batteries and some wire we found in the steppe after it had fallen off 4 times, it is now still going strong after 1000kms! #madrallymoments #topbodge

George Webb from Hijet Heroes welding up our exhaust with 2 car batteries and some wire we found in the steppe after it had fallen off 4 times, it is now still going strong after 1000kms! #madrallymoments #topbodge

 

Food has always been a big question on our adventurers minds, sometimes even a taste of home after seven weeks can make it all that more manageable. Some of our Mongoliers rightly embrace the cuisine along the road and learn to enjoy road kill or horse fillet. Others simply will do anything for a Big Mac or some Chicken Nuggets.

URGENT: Has anyone found a McDonalds in Ulan Ude – John  Fricker

We try our best to keep the spirit of adventure alive in an ever more urbanized and less civilized world of wifi and disposable electric tooth brushes. We can't help but frown down a bit upon the teams who took the Mongol Rally so within their stride they managed to be as first world as possible about it. Briony Burton reflected on this while going to the Gym and taking time out from racing to get her hair done.

So to summarize, many great teams have escaped captivity, starvation and near execution at the hands of team mates, bored government officials or unmentionables to reach the finish line.

Still, a few more are wandering aimlessly in happy confusion, re enacting episodes of survivor all on their own, bless you, you legendary bastards. Carry on.

Mongol Rally survivalists