How not to not do the Mongol Rally

Imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but at least try and do it with some style. As everyone under the sun should know, the entire point of the Mongol Rally is to take the least sensible vehicle you can find and drive it a quarter of the Earth’s surface to the far reaches of Russia.

The adventure you’re welcomed with by driving something completely unreliable, something completely ridiculous and something completely fucking excellent is something to warm your cockles for a lifetime.

We were going to put a witty caption here but frankly, this vehicle is hilarious enough in its shiteness.

A moment of silence then for these poor, pathetic creatures that were recently spotted near the Alat Port. It must be heart-wretchedly sad to have such little enthusiasm for life that they not only have to pretend to be on the Mongol Rally but can’t even bring themselves to pretend to do it in a vehicle that is up to the task.

Imagine their journey. It has zero bumps, zero breakdowns. It probably involves actual AC that isn’t a hole where their windscreen used to be. They have probably booked all their generic and wholly dull accommodation in advance, safe in the knowledge that their terrible choice of vehicle will no doubt make it there completely unscathed. They probably won’t eat anything that hasn’t come out of a packet. It’s unlikely that they’ll even get to speak to any locals, yet alone embrace the culture as one only can when your axle snaps in the middle of a river and you have to use the kindness and resourcefulness of some friendly villagers to patch it back up.

They are the dizzying heights of embarrassment for their own poor, tortured souls.

If you’re the people in this vehicle then do yourselves a favour and remove the Mongol Rally logo from your car, because each time you look at it, a little more of your souls will likely wither and perish as you realise that your entire existence is quite simply a bit of a farce. If you want to do the Mongol Rally properly then please get in touch. We shall warmly welcome you to the bosom of adventurism and can recommend a whole plethora of incredible vehicles that won’t make you look like a bunch of scared children wearing slightly-browned underpants.

Now, get your mums to wipe away those tears with their saliva-dampened handkerchiefs and get signed up to a proper adventure by hitting this button below. We double-dare you.


The real teams on this years Rally are having an absolute blinder. Keep up with the action HERE

Toodle Pip.