Sweary Dave's top 10

If you've not been to Peru then you're missing out. If you have been to Peru, but not on a monkey bike, then you're still missing out a bit.

Before we get to Dave's top 10, fest your eyeballs on a few of the best photos from the Monkey Run in Peru and get your adventure juices flowing.

Our mechanic, sweary Dave, gives his top 10 points about Monkey Bikes and just how much he loves them. Weirdly enough, the bastard doesn't swear once in this whole thing. 

10 Things I love about Monkey bikes

  1. They’re slow. Monkey bikes are the soggy tissue of the adventure motorbike world. By building in a total lack of velocity, you can’t help but take in the amazing scenery you’re likely surrounded by.

  2. They are less than comfortable. With the cramped riding position and not super-plush seating, you will be encouraged by your body to take frequent breaks. See #1 re. Scenery.

  3. They’re a social beast. A common interest in these diminutive little chaps is often all you’ll need to spark up a firm friendship with your fellow travellers, or the goat herder who won't stop staring.

  4. They’re also fine solo. Few things compare to bombing down a track, on your lonesome, with your trusty monkey as your only companion.

  5. They look like a can of condensed sex. Monkey bikes, as all will attest, look good. It’s not rare for shinier, faster, more notably branded steeds parked in the near vicinity to be overlooked in favour of your pint-sized put around.

  6. They’re simple. You can fix your bike with some bits of fencing wire and a cheeky calibrated tap with a hammer. More about bike maintenance later.

  7. They’re reliable. If treated with a gentle touch, and some 15W50 every now and again, your average monkey bike will go, and go, and go. Riders who refrain from wringing their bikes poor little necks will be repaid 10 fold, by a machine that will lump them from the deepest Moroccan desert to the top of the Andes.

  8. They’ll break on you. Despite your best efforts, and the constant fettling, they’re going to have their moments. Make the most of this, enjoy the goat track you’re stuck on, and be very grateful to whoever takes pity on you to the point where they’ll skull drag you down to the mechanics.

  9. They are fun. Monkey bikes are a whole lot of fun. One way or the other, try as you may, you’re going to enjoy the freedom that only sub 100cc’s of self-driven super steed will give you.

  10. Did I mention they’re slow?

Thanks Dave.

If that's not convinced you to sign up for the Monkey Run Peru, then you probably need to go see a doctor as you're likely dead inside. April 2018 is open now, and can be yours by hitting that button above, but be warned that these sell out fast.