Fancy winning a spot on The Monkey Run Morocco? Of course you do. Read on, monkey.
The Monkey Run is the perfect combination of stupidity and adventuring genius, we couldn't exactly give away a spot in the normal way now could we? So instead, we're going to give it away in the most stupid way we could think of.
Four monkeys (adults in monkey costumes incase you were worried about animal welfare) will race on monkey bikes in a time trial that will air live on our Facebook Page at 13:00 GMT on 18th September 2018. All you have to do is decide which monkey you think will win.
Naturally, the course will be littered with obstacles and we will likely be throwing stuff at the competing monkeys. Needless to say, it'll be an entertaining watch, especially if you have a vested interest in a monkey doing well.
Then, all those who picked the winning monkey will have their names printed on a big board where our winning primate will hurl his or her sh*t. The name with the most poo on, wins. Told you it was stupid.
What do I have to do?
It's simple. Take a look at the monkeys and their stats below and use your knowledge on these things to decide which one you think might win. Enter your name, email address and tick the name of the monkey you're backing; then sit back and wait for 18th September 2018 when we will be broadcasting the race and the poo throwing LIVE on Facebook.
Is this only for Adventurists veterans?
Hell no, it's open to all and sundry, so here's the link to this page so you can share it far and wide:
The closing date for entries is 23:59 11th September 2018. Good luck, monkeys.
Name: Nob Nose
Height: 4ft 5in (average)
Special Power: Putting off competitors. I mean, look at that face, it's disgusting. Just looking at it makes me feel sick. If nature always finds a way, surely it can find a way to fix that.
Name: Wrecked Rafiki
Height: Depends how big your telly is when watching The Lion King
Weight: He's technically a drawing, so very little
Age: The Lion King was released in October '94, you do the math
Special Power: Finding lost lions with dust and a coconut
Name: Sassy Sally
Height: Tall enough
Weight: I'm not answering that you nosey prick
Age: See above
Special Power: Full sass. With just a cigarette and a stare, she'll make you question your own existence.
Name: P.G Touching Tips
Height: A bit shorter than before after carrying that fu*king piano.
Weight: 30,000 tea bags
Special Power: Making tea and carrying pianos.
Rules 'n other stuff
Only one submission per person.
Prize is only available to over 18's.
Deadline is 23:59 on 11th September 2018.
The time trial race will be broadcast live on Facebook at 13:00 GMT on 18th September 2018.
The winner will be the name we decide has the most shit on.
We will contact the winner directly in the event they're too boring to watch this chaos unfold.
The prize is one place on The Monkey Run Morocco which runs from 31st Dec 2018 - 7th Jan 2019.
Flights are NOT included, you'll have to get your own, sorry.
Hotels, tents, shelters, bins; any type of accommodation will not be provided. Why would you need any?
There is no cash alternative to this prize so don't bother asking for one.
The prize isn't transferable so if you win, you go.
If for whatever reason you can't go, we will offer the prize to the next name with the most poo on.
In the eventuality you can't go after booking flights, accommodation and other stuff we're sorry, but we can't reimburse you.
All the usual terms and conditions detailed HERE apply to the winner.
That's about it I guess, I know the rules are boring but welcome to the litigious world we live in.