Something a little special is happening this December, and thankfully it has sod all to do with a fat pensioner coming down your chimney to ram shit you don't want into your old socks.
A benevolent and generous private donor has thrown his weight behind your efforts and decided that he will match all of your funds raised for Cool Earth this December. As in, now. This doubles the impact of any world-saving charity efforts you have going this month. We cannot overemphasize how much of a stand-up offer this is.
So whether you’re fundraising out of the goodness of your heart, a concern for the planet or you need the karma points after having done something unpleasant to a penguin, get on with it. You have until the 31st of December 2017 to take advantage of this grandiose offer.
If you were on an adventure this year, then make sure you check out of your adventures and give us your own choice charity totals by the end of the year too. This way we'll know what you've been up to and blow your trumpets for you
Also, as you may be aware if you are paying attention, any team that raises over £1000 for Cool Earth by the end of this year will be entered in a draw to win a trip to Peru, to see just how much of a difference their efforts are actually making. They also get to have a bloody good adventure wandering around the rainforest and meeting the locals.
So now a moment to self indulgently celebrate ourselves, because, why not, you guys are awesome. You have all raised a shitload of cash to go towards saving the world’s beautiful arse and by now you should feel a little warmer and fuzzier by the fake pine in your living room adorned with plastic baubles. You’re doing an admirable job and we would give you all a sound pat on the back if you weren’t all so dusty and smelly from sleeping in a pothole. Being stalwart supporters of the widening world of adventure is what sets you above and beyond the average Instagramming teenager and their Facebook feed. But what really sets you all up as sterling chap and chapettes is the effect that your charity fundraising has on looking after this astounding sphere we call home.
We have already waxed lyrical about how brilliant Cool Earth actually are - we are the vegan at the dinner table and you will just have to politely nod along and roll your eyes on your own time.
Last year, some very intelligent buggers at Oxford Research Centre collated a lot of wordy things and earned a few research grants to figure out which charities have the greatest influence on the world for the funds used. Cool Earth came out as supreme leader in the more bang for your buck category of planet-saving.
In lieu of encouragement, we are simply going to hold up the brilliant shining examples of you who went above and beyond the call to bring home the goodies in the way of charity cash.
Ladies and gentlemen, may we present to you the top five fundraisers for Cool Earth in 2017. Look at just how well these buggers have done.
Kevin Mangan - USA
Monkey Run Morocco
Sam Van Hapert,
Bart De Ridder - NL
Team Holy Cows
Rickshaw Run - January 2017
Louisa Ball - UK
Mongol Derby - 2017
Barry Babister - UK
Team Nurse Nelson & Dr Baz
Rickshaw Run - April 2017
John Hale - UK
Mongol Rally - 2017
To extend further upon how well everyone is getting on, rather than just our few chosen forest angels, this is how much some of the adventures has raised so far this year.
Mongol Rally - £113,221.22
Mongol Derby - £10,161.19
Rickshaw Run August - £39,880.61
Monkey Run Peru September - £3,883.01
Rickshaw Run Himalaya - £4,961.44
Now, we don’t generally like to ask how you go about your fundraising, because if you are selling a kidney or any other body parts, that’s nice, but for legal reasons, we don’t want to know about how much you're selling your virginity for on eBay. Although we salute your dedication to the cause of course.
If you are running short of ideas and have already raided your parent's bank account, your children's university fund and have had a bake sale then here are a few suggestions from previous teams. Most of them even managed to do great things with little blood loss.
Go for the many, not the few
The majority of people will happily hand over a few hard-earned quid if you're convincing enough and not a twat about it. Large donations are hard to come by so canvas as many as possible for smaller amounts.
Rob the office
A lot of larger employers will have a fund or charity policy that helps them offset the karma of that sweatshop they don't want to talk about. Talk to somebody with a bigger desk than you and see what can be done. Smaller employers can also be conned into sponsoring you if you can convince them social media will be impressed.
Wear a Chicken suit
Stand out from the crowd, these days everybody and their Dalai Lama are trying to cadge a coin from every passerby on the street. In order to empty pockets, you need to stand out, build a personal connection or be bigger, better and weirder. Do not be afraid to be creative.
Dust off the soapbox
In this case, it's ok to be self righteously wordy, it may not win you any friends but it will earn you charity cash, consider talking to local media and community groups. Look how you can get the word out as much as possible. "The end is nigh, give unto me £5".
So that's that. Onwards and upwards, there's a whole heap of planet to save out there.
Wordage by the lovely Dane Henson