The Rickshaw Run. More fun than getting drunk in a bouncy castle. More foolish than uploading that dick pic to twitter.*
The 2015 August run is over. We've seen some bone mangling crashes, several almost-arrests and more close calls than we want to think about. Now it's storytime.
Three times a year we assemble our wagonload of three-wheeled vehicles and a bunch of brave fools to lend them to. We give a start line, a finish line and one line of advice - don't trust Google Maps.
After that, it's just you and some mates in your very own shitshaw. And you've got to cross a subcontinent.
At 3500km, the August adventure is the Rampant Rabbit of runs. It's just a bit longer than the others so it always hits the spot.
With our runners fresh over the finish line and proudly sporting a victory glow, it's our privilege to bring you why.
Hold on to your buttocks. This shit is spicy:
1. The Police Interrogation
Our rick's get pimped. We've seen satellite dishes, solar panels and inflatables of all kinds don these noble vehicles so we can say with confidence: our runners stand out a bit.
Sometimes, this means a cup of chai and an enthusiastic welcome. Sometimes, it doesn't:
Of course, this was exactly the kind of situation we had pictured when we distributed our Lawnmower Licences. Here's the genuine article:
We're rather chuffed with that one.
2. The Goat Chauffeur
According to teammates, this little fellow smelled better than the driver he replaced.
3. The Manual Job
What do you do if your wipers don't work but you're driving on a deadline in the rain? You pull your hands out your trousers and fix it. We hear this worked a treat:
4. The Mud
August in North India means facing down the monsoon. Torrential rain means a holy-shit-tonne of mud.
Here's Cool Runnings India, Shake and Bake and Team Draft living a pig's wet dream and loving it.
Yep. Muddier than the FIFA World Cup selection process.
5. The Breakdowns
Axels. Pistons. Engines. We've seen them all bust and back again, but no-one did it better than the Bohemian Blokes. They went for the whole shebang and on day 1 too.
Hold your applause though, they're not the only ones:
We told you they were an excellent bunch.
6. The Dedication to Hedonism
Fucking hell. Even by Rickshaw-Run-Chief Mr Matt's depraved standards, our August Launch Party was a messy one. "Bloody mental" were his exact words:
He made the local paper too. Actually, perhaps the fewer details about this one the better eh?
7. This Rick Roll
A Rickshaw is pretty stable vehicle. Unless you are driving into a wind that could make a feather shimmy and then staying upright is as much of a dream as Kanye West for President in 2020.
This though, sounds like a roll worth writing about:
Never going to tell a lie: it does look like a razor.
8. The Fucking Incredible Photos
India is pretty nice and we can't think of a better way to see it than from a Rickshaw. Here are some of the best photos of this edition:
Is the flagrant sales pitch coming on too strong? This happened too:
Do you have what it takes to do the rickshaw run?
You'll have one thing in common with that politician who signed up to Ashley Madison on his work email address. You'll be a bloody idiot. We'd love to have you.
Thanks India for another corker of a run. See you next year.
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* We especially don't want to see yours Johnny Knoxville: "I have a penis like an egg in the nest. It looks like a light switch." We research celebrities with a small penis in the office. So you don't have to.