It's week two and the Mongol Rally is careening on towards Mongolia. 243 began: two cars are already out and many more are in trouble.
Most of the rest have got their shit out of Europe and are meandering through the Balkans towards the ever calm Iran.
We're back with fewer braincells and a weekends worth of news to offload and this is the sock we are going to do it in.
17.20 31.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Should be all you need in Iran.
Also making a triumphant return, Rally for Rexy are just leaving Brussels in their repaired car. Best of luck chaps, you're shit-far behind.
15.10 31.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Lots of teams are having trouble with police:
Moral of this story: keep your cash up your bum.
More news from Kangaskhan, who are enjoying their encounter with Russian bureaucracy:
It's going well then.
21.09 30.07.2015 Rosa Earp
The Cross-Border Smugglers are making a triumphant recovery following their accident. After a magnificent bodge job, the team estimate Cuddles could be back on the road today with new windows, patched up seatbelts and a reinforced body.
Meanwhile, Nigel has been flown back to the UK for more procedures:
09.15 31.07.2015 Rosa Earp
13.07 31.07.2015 Rosa Earp
OMJ, one of this years' cheapskate teams, are turning back from Turkey. Their mini-scamp has had multiple tantrums every day which probably puts them at the top of the breakdown leaderboard. They have spent too much time modifying their vehicle on the roadside they don't reckon they can finish and are going to drink their way back though Europe instead.
For Those About to Yak have bailed in Russia. Driving a modified VW, they are not enjoying the 'free-for-all' traffic of St Petersburg and are scared of the 'non-traffic' in the wilds of Mongolia. We have no clue what they thought they signed up for but they did achieve their main objective - getting to an ACDC concert in Riga.
Rocky Mountaineers are also out after an autobahn breakdown, as are Get on the Gryphon who are driving their pissing vehicle back from Turkey and shedding surplus teammates en-route.
Farewell teams. We suggest a millisecond of silence in memory of your aborted Rally.
16.30 30.07 Rosa Earp
Against all expectations, Adventure before Dementia and their shit Ligier are still with us.
16.14 30.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Loads of teams are experiencing breakdowns:
13.07 30.07.2015 Rosa Earp
The Baked Potatoes have recruitment issues. The team first jettisoned a member on day four - and the remaining duo have apparently broken up. Custody of Cardis, a blue Mini, has already been decided.
The cause of their rift is unclear, but the last we heard, John was taking an overdue turn behind the wheel. We can surmise that didn't go well then.
We commend their determination to make it to the end.
Satnavs are shit as mouldy toenails. Team Slightly Lost, Tops Off Disco and For Those About to Yak have been the most vocal.
We have no sympathy.
15.09 29.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Brage from the Shitkickers, voice of a generation.
14.47 29.07.2015 Rosa Earp
If you'd like more videos of bearded men getting creative for "a stiff rear end," Hop Skip & A Jump can provide.
10.34 29.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Foreign Beggars got themselves trapped for 10 hours between the Russians and the Ukrainians on the border: a choice position.
One of this years Cheapskate teams, they were determined not to lose their 'gentleman tramp' status by squandering money. It took the sacrifice of supplies, a little photoshop on the V5 and a serenade to a border guard but Foreign Beggars are elated to have got through on their sixth attempt:
12.47 29.07.2015 Rosa Earp
The Cross-Border Smugglers are still stuck in Bulgaria following an accident. Hope you can get back on the road soon.
20.16 28.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Super Villains Deluxe have made it into Iran. "It's a corker" apparently. Will they make it through Iran though:
06.13 29.07.2015 Rosa Earp
The Nerdventurists are in Cappadocia. And yes, a shit-ton of other teams sent their own selfies days ago but these guys got a picture with their car so they get all the internet credit.
09.15 29.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Another night another dropout. Rally legend Phil Chapman has had to turn back. Russia, the soggy bastards, wouldn't let him in after an accident in Kazakhstan last year.
The accident already caused a world of grief: a ruptured kidney, prolonged hospital stay and an unfinished 2014 rally. Phil, we salute you. See you next year.
Also out are Mischief Mahem. Danny says the team were fractured by personal tensions, constant fighting and a dodgy car. They made it to Istanbul before the team dissolved in bitterness. Hope to see you next year too Danny.
16.13 28.07.2015 Mr Joolz
There's been talk about Mongol Ralliers getting softer, but if someone who takes a Porsche 944 on the rally has a micropenis these guys probably have cocks like obelisks.
14.58 28.07.2015 Rosa Earp
14.15 28.07.2015 Rosa Earp
21.04 28.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Team Strangefellows have made it to Romania but have jettisoned a teammate on the way. Mia has to fly to Scandinavia to track down her passport: last seen sporting a fresh Kazakhstan visa somewhere in Denmark. Or Sweden. How hard can it be?
11.25 27.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Driving balls to the wall, A-Team Max East are currently skirting Kazakhstan and well into Russia. They are celebrating their lead in a hookers' hot-tub. Some well-earned repose or height of foolhardiness: only an STD test will tell.
16.58 27.07.2015 Rosa Earp
2 Tees Please have a new fix for cooling down "Boris" on the move. Looks like a decent solution.
The oldest car on the rally, they assure us he has been getting plenty of attention:
They are not the only team that are having mechanical difficulty:
A classic on-the-road fix from the school of rally mechanics.
16.54 27.07.2015 Rosa Earp
A week down and the tracker map is over-bloody-joyed it has something to track. Click on the image to get updates direct from the ralliers. Content may be unsuitable for the sensitive.
13.45 27.07.2015 Rosa Earp
We have no clue what the Tops Off Disco are trying to tell us. But we think it means the teams are doing the Mongol Rally proud:
09.00 25.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Presented without comment. For legal reasons.
06.58 25.07.2015 Rosa Earp
Russell "Dropbear' Bowden, from Fast Lane Loners continued his streak of excellent life choices by doing the Mongol Rally and then getting a permanent reminder of it. Here he is on Saturday, at 7am celebrating his new ink of a rival team's name and logo. We think the real heroes in this story are James, Sam, Patrick and Eleonore who have managed to raise awareness about the very real danger of Drop Bears in Australia in a practical and highly effective way. Keep up the good work.
Congratulations, you are all up to date with the goings-on for Week 2. If you are still feeling brave, you can venture back in time to Week 1.