Slowly, slowly catchee Monkey

Premature ejeculation pills, for those that finish too soon

The Rickshaw Run is not a race. Just like when making love to a beautiful woman, on the Rickshaw Run there is no prize for coming first; on the contrary we love the teams that come last. The guys that finish first have half as much fun and deserve a quarter of the respect earned by the chaps who get stuck in balls-deep for as long as possible; the true heroes who are out there having dirty, sweaty fun until it's almost too late.

Scott & Keith. Ridiculously premature arrival

Scott & Keith. Ridiculously premature arrival

A perfect example of how not to do the Rickshaw Run is Scott and Keith, two good old American boys from Team Pervs. They raced more than 3000km, across the breadth of India in a record 6 days, that's barely enough time to get properly, lost stuck or have any fun at all. While the rest of their cohort are scattered across the subcontinent, soaking in the plethora of delights and oddities that India throw at them, Scott and Keith are sat in the finish line bar, twiddling their thumbs, re-telling dull stories about the time they were stuck for 20 minutes with that puncture - or that time they went left instead of right and went off course by 50km.

Don't get us wrong; Mr Matt puts together a pretty damned good finish line. This one is at the Maharaja's Palace, there is hot water, soft beds, cold beers and wifi, if you ask them really nicely they will even put rolls of poo-paper in the freezer to chill your tender derriere. It is the perfect place to spend a day or so when you've taken the best part of two weeks getting lost, stuck and in trouble. After all that's why you're here.

Scott and Keith consider yourselves named and shamed. In your honour we shall launch a new award. The Team Perv award for Finishing too Early. Remember how the tortoise beats the hare; especially - going back to the opening analogy - as tortoises can copulate for hours on end and the poor hare lasts only around a minute.

Team Perv's 'twin turban' Rickshaw. You see what they did there, right?

Team Perv's 'twin turban' Rickshaw. You see what they did there, right?